‘So small I could disappear’

“His office in Pasadena overlooks the Colorado Street Bridge, more colloquially known as Suicide Bridge. I remember feeling like the sounds of the cars passing were very loud. I remember wanting to be so small I could disappear.”

That’s author Courtney Milan describing herself during a disturbing conversation with Alex Kozinski, a long-serving judge on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. More than a dozen women have accused Kozinksi of groping or making inappropriate sexual comments. Among them are several former law clerks like Milan, who described her experiences with Kozinksi in an essay.

The language is just perfect. It conveys the harm and fear of that moment exactly, using specificity to set the external scene while describing an internal response — “wanting to be so small I could disappear” — that is near to universal.